A Servant

I miss you.

I finally sat down on the plane to come home to you. Brody is sitting next to me, our flight was delayed 2 hours. Lame.

I have missed you this trip. I seem to check out and disconnect from you and the kids when I am gone...I guess I get in the zone and get work done. It was a good solid week of work, but several times I said how much I missed you.

This verse also popped up...

Ecclesiastes 9:9 "live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil."

I love the thought of reward, like a gift, not an object but a reward to love, adore, work for. I love you.

You have been more vulnerable lately. I like it. Although it does throw me off at times. But this week we were talking on the phone, I was on my way to see Mike Davis. You got irritated about a couple things. At first it bothered me. But then you texted me...you said you didn't feel like part of my life while I was gone. That struck me. It was honest. It was your heart. I want to see your heart and when you show it to me I want to handle it with care. Your heart matters.

As I thought about you this week I thought more and more about how we discussed what a servant you are. At your birthday dinner we were talking about your gift of service. You can walk into a room and see a need and serve. You are especially good at remembering what matters to people and serving them. When you serve you always have to go big...I guess your motto is if you are going to do it you might as well do it right. That goes for our daughters 18th and making pizzas for the youth group.

I love your servants heart.

I am ready to come home to you.

Ned

Happy Birthday to the most important woman in my life.

Sarah,

Recently we were dancing in the kitchen. There was a moment you looked up at me, I will forever and always remember the look in your eyes...you trusted me. Over the years we have been busy living, but we have been growing to, in between all the to dos we have been discovering who we are as individuals and as a couple. Recently you have been revealing more of yourself to me, you've been opening up and sharing your heart with me...trusting me. This last year has held some significant moments for us, Paris, London, Ireland, Bahamas, settled in Hawai'i, RUQ, Elevate, Deeper, and lots of micro moments. There have been some wildly fun highs and like you said recently, some growing pains.

Today is your birthday, 42! Happy Birthday my lover. You've spent another 365 days choosing to pursue life, love, and family. I am so proud to be your husband. I'm so proud to be on this adventure of life with you. I'm so proud to look at the past 12 months and know that we leaned into life together.

You risked a lot this year, you put yourself out there in ways you haven't given yourself the space to in the past. You deserve it, and not because you earned it by being a "good mom" or a "faithful wife" but because your heart matters, your life matters, you matter. You are a GREAT mama and queen to me, but that's a result, an outpouring, of the beautiful person God created when he made you.

Happy Birthday Sarah, you are a princess, a queen, and a daughter to the creator of the universe. I am blessed to get to be a part of your life and story.

Funny, when I tell my story I think of you walking into my life in that pink dress that Mother's Day all those years ago. But I think the truth is you were living your life's adventure and I happened to be in the right place at the right time and got to join your adventure of a big family and an adventurous life. What I love about you is your faith, you are willing to make some big ass jumps in life, you are willing to take some serious leaps of faith...I love that.

Thanks for letting me tag along.

I am ready and willing to take more leaps with you.

Here is to another year of you, I celebrate you, I honor you, I support you, I am by your side, I love you. I want to continue to see those eyes of trust looking up at me while we dance in the kitchen on random the days that seem random but are truly a gift.

Happy Birthday Sarah my queen.

-Ned

The Dash

Honey -

I'm at a RUK event. I am serving as a volunteer. At the moment we are at a cemetery. I am sitting by a headstone for Archie and Mildred Arnold. Their headstone says mama and daddy. Our kids call you mama...what a special and important name.

It's sad but also so real, one day we will no longer be on this earth. There are some headstones with just one person listed, how sad. There is something unique and special about a couple that stayed together, they figured it out, they didn't quit. What a gift. What a gift to themselves, their kiddos, and the world. I am committed to that being us.

Then there is the dash. The time they spent on this earth. It's quick. When I think about how quick it is it seems meaningless at first, like what's the point? But really, how beautiful, a gift that only lasts for a certain amount of time. Something you must maximize while you have it. I want to maximize the time I have with you. How often do we get in the way of enjoying the dash because of all the things we think are so important or the things we are "working on" or "working towards".

Funny, as I write this I have been thinking a lot about how I can default to my task list, doing everything the right way, I have been thinking about it as the Doing Ned versus Being Ned. Same could go for us, instead of trying to do life right, always trying to maximize, just be us, less pressure...I want to say less purpose and intention...but that's not it...I just want to be more like a kid with you, less worried about time, money, or what's next...be here and now with you. Present.

I just walked around a bit. Check out the below headstone...the Armstrong's. They were married for 70 years! So wild and they are burried here in the middle of some town in the middle of Texas. But it matters, their marriage mattered, but maybe not with the same pressures we put on ourselves (especially me) to get the most out of life. None of their accomplishments are listed other than their love for each other. Beautiful.

I love you.

I want to be with you.

I want us to enjoy being present together, in the messiness of life.