I just skimmed through 20 years of living life with you. We have lived a lot of life together... having babies, going on adventures, moving, cleaning, eating, laughing, crying, winning, and sometimes losing; but we are still here, still fighting...still learning to believe in ourselves and each other.

Twenty years is a long time. You'd think we would both feel like real adults...but most days it feels like we're still figuring out what that means...and, while we are figuring it out, we are raising our babies, and about to send one off to college, 18, our baby, that happened! She is amazing, truly, so we must be stumbling through alright.

This last couple of years have been the hardest. Lots of highs, and lots of lows..nothing dramatic or catastrophic, but hard. It's like the first part of our lives just happened so fast we didn't have much time to process, think, or find much rest...it was, go go go.

Now here we are; the past couple of years we have been discovering or maybe better said, wrestling with what it means to truly love. Love is patient, and kind, it's selfless, it's honoring, it doesn't keep a record of wrong, it's not easily angered...I wish I could say I was scoring a 10 in every one of these categories. I'm not. But I want to. I'm going to.

I went to buy you an anniversary card today. They all sucked. The one I bought said, "My wife, my world. So grateful to be with you, so lucky to love you." I got it because the day I saw you for the first time in that pink dress you were my world, the day I watched you give birth to Brooklyn I was in awe of the warrior woman before me, watching you nurse our twins..wow, you were superwoman, and the day you told me about seeing Brody running on the beach and it was time to head to Hawaii, you were a wise queen.

You are my world. There are days I have been missing that truth, God gave you to me as a gift, not a prize, or a helper, or a partner, or a good wife, or a mom...he gave me a friend, a lover, an adventurer to do life with. It's like when God brought Eve to Adam, he wasn't whole without her, he was lonely. I'm sorry for the days I have been missing that truth the past couple of years. It seems like the days just kept getting more and more and more filled with really GOOD STUFF to do, but in doing that good stuff I have been missing out a bit on the great stuff, time with you. My desire, is this isn't an empty love letter, but if we were to read this in 20 years we will say the first 20 were incredible raising our kiddos, and the second 20 were filled with patience, and grace, and mercy, and joy, and kindness, and so much laughter late into the night enjoying deep connection and conversation.

Out of thousands of pictures, this one moved me today. You are an amazing woman, wild, and strong, capable, fragile, sensitive, mysterious, and incredibly wise. You have loved me so generously over the years, I want you to feel deeply loved by me, pursued by me, and that I am gentle with you.

It's hard for me to say this, it's not meant to define your identity, there is a depth to you. But I do think your greatest gift to the world and maybe God's greatest gift to you, is motherhood. Look at the faces of our children, you are an incredible mother. As the card said, I am so grateful to be with you, so lucky to get to love you, because I get to be on the journey and be the father to your children. Nothing is more important than family - I love that we get to do this together. I love all of you, the Sarah of yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

-Love,

Ned